Hate to do this but...
Hate to do this but...
ALL KINDS OF GAINS.
I MADE MY SHORT TERM GOAL WEIGHT, AND LOST 2 EXTRA POUNDS ALONG WITH IT.
18 POUNDS TO GO BEFORE MY LONG TERM IDEAL.
ok remember the chick from: http://lemon-vampire.livejournal.com/12
Ok, well, she keeps coming back, every day. And so finally I refused service on her, because she kept making me increasingly more uncomfortable with each time I served on her. So rather than type the whole story, here's a letter I sent to a friend titled "This is a small town, she can't hide from me forever"
"The title is a quote from the crazy lady today, the quote is about me, since I have started to deny her service. I want nothing to do with her, while I don't hate her, she scares the fuck out of me and I wish she would stop fucking coming every day. Every day she says she won't come back and then the next day she's there asking for me. 3 days ago she came in, I told my manager I refuse to serve on her (which is a servers right, and I already covered the issue with my general manager). Instead of leaving she DEMANDED to talk to me in person, so I had to go to her and say, "Listen, please don't take this personally, but I don't want to serve on you, you make me uncomfortable yadda yadda" and she was all like "You don't have enough female servers, I'm going to have to tell your general manager (she didn't becuz my GM is a skary man), I'm not coming back here" and I was like "kk bye 4eva I have customers bye"
And I seriously felt sorry for her, but I just don't wanna serve on her.
So today, she came in, TWICE. I guess she came in the second time because she was fucking SPYING THROUGH THE WINDOW FOR ME and when she saw me she came in and demanded I told her AGAIN why I refused service. But I am a stubborn bitch so I cowered in the storage room where Nathaniel (my coworker) and Mike (assist manager) explained to her I would NOT serve on her. So she goes on about how she knows I live in skokie (I don't) and how I couldn't avoid her forever (sob). And Jesus christ. So Nathaniel, who has seen and heard everything, finally asks her why she won't be served on by men, so she doesn't answer and walk away. We all suspected as much for an answer.
I'm fucking terrified of her and sometimes I think she is going to stalk me and kill me. :( if this continues I'm going to call the police."
I WANNA DIE :(
For another story about crazy lady, to further illustrate her crazy, theres some shit my coworker had to go through. This is also an e-mail to my friend
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I'm sick of the pain and insecurities I feel around men that I want to be romantically interested in.
So from here on out, I quit love. I'm not asexual, by all means I'm fine with sex. But I'm through with love, I just want to be friends with guys, and maybe have sex with one or two. I want to live this life for myself and myself only. I still care and love my friends, I'd even die for some, but I'd never change myself for anyone. And if I have I need to undo the changes I have done to please others. I want to be myself. If I want to bitch about my life, I'm going to do so and not care what others think. If they're my friends, they should want to hear about what's going on with me. If they don't care, then they were never my friends to begin with.
Even so, I need to live for and love myself.
The high of being loved isn't nearly worth the cost of heartbreak.
I don't need love.
Ok at my job, 2 out of my first three customers were INSANE AS FUCK.
The first one was normal, so moving on.
The second one, INSANE. Like, officially batshit IN-SANE.
Before coming in, she calls and one of my coworkers picks up, she asks "What do you have here besides pancakes" and he lists some shit off. Whatever.
So she comes in like, 10 minutes later, she seats herself on the side that is closed. Two of my pet peeves, check.
She's skinny, maybe in her late thirties, early forties, her hair is wiry and short, very short, like, a buzz cut. She's pale and has hollowed eyes. I already know she's gonna be trouble.
But thank god, I thought, she's not my table. Untill she requests me because I'm a woman.
Oooookay. So I go to her. As soon as she talks I know she's insane. She speaks in a whisper, and gets flinchy when I speak in a tone higher than her own.
"Oh good, you were standing right there. I thought there were no women here."
She then goes on about the difference between two items, the sampler and the big breakfast. It takes her forever to understand that the big breakfast has more meat, and the sampler comes with pancakes. But she doesn't want buttermilk, or anything with buttermilk. I want to get the fuck away from her so I tell her the chocolate chip pancakes have no buttermilk in it. She finally decides on a sampler with chocolate chip pancakes.
Did I mention she also gave off an incredibly creepy aura to her. She was fucking scary.
She asks to be cashed out before I even finish writing in the order, she wants me to cash her out because she trusts me more because I was a woman.
She signs her name where you're supposed to write the tip. I mention this to her, and she freaks out a little, claiming it's ok. I can tell she really doesn't want to sign her name again, so I accept it. I just want her to go away. But I can't get away from her.
I give her the food as quickly as I can and walk away, no problems I can recall there.
But when I come back to check on her, I get more concerned. She's eating everything only with a knife, no fork, nothing else, she has the hash browns scooped up on her knife like it was a spoon. She asks me if she ate the sausage, because apparently I was watching her eat that. I saw that there was no sausage, so I told her I guess she did. She tells me she was starving. I walk away and shudder again.
I get another customer that comes in. A huge bitch. Also insane, but doesn't cause me trouble until later on in the story. When she sits down, I try to introduce myself and ask her if she wants something to drink, but before I get a word out, she snaps at me that she's not ready.
Back to crazy buzz cut lady.
I go back to her, she tells me she doesn't want the chocolate chip pancakes, because she thought it was dark chocolate chips, she then adds that gives her a good reason to return them. She asks for buttermilk instead. I told her I couldn't get her charges back, so I give her a dollar fifty of my own money to compensate the price. She asks for the butter on the side because she might change her mind because "women are prone to change their minds like that"
What the fuck. I'm a woman, not a different species.
I give her the buttermilk pancakes, she thanks me, a little too sincerely, as if I had saved her life or something.
At the end, she also asked for coffee, she used the money I gave her, even though she was short. I tried to explain that to her but she freaked out again. She wanted the cup filled 3/4ths full. She tells me this as I'm filling it and she screams when I fill it a bit too high.
I get her a new cup and fill it again, perfectly.
Then I get the fuck away from her, go in the storage room and call my friend about this.
I know, I'm a terrible worker, but I was really scared.
Anyways, I had already dropped off the check for the other lady that came in, the crazy bitch. So I assume I'm not needed until another customer comes in.
Wrong. My coworker comes in and tells me that the bitch table is looking for her bag. It's a black china bag. Or he says that. So I look around and tell the woman I can't find it. She glares at me and says "You better, or it will be your money" I'm like "excuse me?" (she said it quietly) But she doesn't repeat it and just tells me its a black bag and it says made in china on it. I continue to look around and find nothing. I apologize to the woman and ask her if she remembers bringing it into the restaurant. Apparently I strung a chord.
She says "of course I did! Are you doubting my memory!? I'm sure you of all people should know that" She goes on, implying that I stole her fucking bag. She cashes out and complains about me. Jesus fucking Christ. I'd never steal from a customer, especially if they were still there. And what would I do with a shitty black bag made in china?
Also, both tables stiffed me, the first one technically took my money.
I fucking hate work.
Ok so in 2 days I watched the entire third season of queer as folk. nothing better to do with my time much?
yeah, ok, guys, FUCKIN HANG OUT WITH ME. I always have some crazy caper planned and a sack full of cash atm! I wanna hang out with all my friends, and spring break is coming up, so we should all do something fun, go downtown, shop, go to the beach for the first time this year, go to a spa, get our hair done, get our nails done, go to a concert, god I dunno, SOMETHING! I'm DYING of boredom.
Ok so I have like 4 days off next week. I better fuckin do SOMETHING with it.
So I'm up in my room, when all of a sudden, not 10 minutes ago, the sound from the downstairs computer starts blasting. It's 4 am. I know no one's awake. I go downstairs and I hear some weird guy on the computer is talking about anime. I went downstairs and turned off the sound. Nothing was open that could play something like a documentary on anime. When I turn the sound back on. It's quiet.
What the hell. My dad just got his computer back from geek squad and his computer is broken.
Whatevz, I fucking hate geek squad, they never fix shit.
In other news, I beat Apollo Justice. What the hell is wrong with people?
Omg I want this (the one on the girl, not the mannequin):
:> it's so fruity. Course. I have huge tits. So it probz wouldn't go well for me. Unless I wore a strapless bra...
When I was young it seemed that life was so wonderful, a miracle.
Oh it was beautiful, magical...
And all the birds and the trees would be singing so happily...
Oh playfully watching me.
February has drained the shit out of me, emotionally and physically. I hope that March brings sunny weather and new love for me.
Each night I look up at the moon, and hope that maybe you're watching too. Maybe thinking of me. When the sun and the moon share the same sky, maybe thats when we'll meet. Until then, at least we can look at the moon.
Haha I have it.
:( He's so dum. And has such a manly voice
I GOT A KITTUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time to give assholes free pancakes and not get any fucking tips. Not that I make any. But usually my customers will leave some money.
God and I bet they're all going to be ghetto black people too.
UH OMG WOW WORST DAY EVER.
I had this horrible, HORRIBLE mental break down in the middle of work. I had to go to the back to recollect myself. And I made peanuts in tips.
But wow, it was even worse than I thought it would be. Ughhhh. I was about to cry all day.
And no, it wasn't even the black people who fucked me over. It was... Gee I dunno, THE PARTIES OF 20+ FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS WHO THINK THEY ARE SO FUCKING COOL AND WONT SHUT THE FUCK UP. FUCK YOU HIGH SCHOOL KIDS. GOD. I know they're broke, but JESUS, even a dollar would have been better than NOTHING.
I can't WAIT till friday. I'm gonna go back to school and get the FUCK out of ihop. I'll get a decent fucking job where they NEED me and if I freak out they'll let me go home and take a bath or something.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sulk and sob about how I'm not going to have a valentine for valentines day... AGAIN.
Ha ha Julie. You can't even go a week.
*puts on one of them headbands that the fags in anime do*
Ok... so, no crazy sex, drugs, or rock and roll (lol I'm dum) for a week! I can totally do this! I'm gonna be responsible, sign up for classes, and--- uhhh.... Get them hopefully. And when I do, I'll make this year lucky 2008! I'll go back to school and do my work and meet a cute classmate (or professor lol hot and old), and then I'll get an awesome job, a sweet apartment, and some spare money to shop for cute clothes! Yeah! It's in the bag! Ooh! Maybe I can do something in animation, and everyone will be like "Oh thats Julie, living her dream, I hate her", HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU GUYS!!!
YEEEAH, lucky 2008! This will be my year! I can feel the blood rushing through my veins! I lived without sex for 18 years, then waited another year after that. I've gone a week before. I bet I can do more. YEAH! I CAN DO THIS!!! You know, anyone can do anything with their lives if they try hard enough. I bet I can too.
LOOK OUT WORLD, HERE I COME!
Edit: FUCK. I CAN DO THIS
Ugh. I don't know what to think of myself. I realized just now what a deep, dark hole I have tossed myself into. Sure, I have tasted the sweet nectars of sin, but for what? Time to forget? A moment of pleasure? Meanwhile my life is spiraling downwards again, after a hopeful attempt to bring myself back to life. But right now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a dead end job serving pancakes to thankless customers, I'm stuck living at home, paying rent, I'm stuck without an education. I couldn't bare to taste my pride as is slid down my throat. So to compensate, I turned to sex, drugs, and alcohol, to numb the taste of regret. For a short while it was good. It made me feel good, and oddly enough, gave me some confidence in myself... To the point where I could look in the mirror and think I am beautiful, or at least not that bad looking. But as time progressed I found myself more and more dependant on things. The last time I had sex I promised myself I would stay abstinent for a week. But 2 days later, no, the next time I SAW the guy, I couldn't resist. As each day went by I wanted to try more and more devious things. But now I think it has to stop. I need to go back to school. With that I can earn some respect from my parents, to ease off on rent, and slowly I can get better work, untill I can finially live on my own, and really start my new life. Maybe I can work in an office. And maybe instead of just having sex, I can find someone who really loves me, someone who will tell me they love me so much, who I can hold in my arms and feel so safe. Maybe one day I can get married, and have a baby, and start a family of my own, just like my cousin. But only if that is in the future, and I'm good and ready for it.
I feel terrible for having fantasies of me singing my child to sleep, my future husband by my side, smiles all around, just like some sort of tacky advertizement. Some life somewhat similar to what I had as a child. When I get older, and my child moves away, I'll start doing crazy things like snowboarding and skydiving and traveling around the world.
I actually dream about that. Hopefully a happy, financially secure life waits for me in the future, and all of me acting crazy and having sex with someone I don't even love and going overboard with drugs and drinking can be a distant nightmare.
I want to quit, but then I can't. I can't say no and I can't even say I want to stop.
-And the strangest things seem, suddenly routine-
Every morning its the first thing on my mind. Throughout the day thats all I can think of. Even at night my dreams are infested with it. My social life is deteriorating because of it, its not uncommon for conversations to abruptly end because its looming on my mind, and my interest sweeps directly to it. I must not be a proper woman, because thats all I can think of. And when it happens, I love it. I love every single moment of it. I wish it would never end, ever. I think I have found my deepest addiction. Even though it's been sort of obvious all these years.
OMG WTF NOOOO I lost one of my Tinkerbell earrings! And I just freakin bought em today.
I went to Belmont today/yesterday and that Jhonen Vasquez feller signed my DS.
Nice boy. I think this would have been a more exciting occasion had I been 15. XD ah well, he was cute, but the cashier in the comic book store was cuter.
P.S I'm rediscovering my love for Tenchi... Oh that shit takes me back. The english voices are so lol.
I just got back from the premire of Sweeney Todd, LOVED IT.
Anyways, time to tell you of my journey.
So anyways, here's the predicament:
I get off at work at 10.
Sweeney Todd is at 12. In Chicago.
This is the story of how I made it there at 11:58.
So anyways, I tell my manager to drop me from taking tables at 9, and I do my sidework like a madman.
What usually takes me a half an hour is finished in just a few minutes.
I run out, get in the car, go home, change, and speed off.
On the way just before to see Val, I see these ADORABLE drunk gay guys,and I mean A-DOR-A-BLE. They sit right next to me and chat with me and hug me and kiss my hand and they are just awesome. Then Val gets on and get this... SHE KNOWS THEM. Gowd, like, Val must know every queer in Chicago. Anyways, I got one of their names, George, the other ones escapes me. Anyways yeah, cute guys, loved them, even though I only talked to them for 10 minutes. But they totally made my day.
Anyways, so YAY, we get to Chicago and run into the theater.
I know, what a story. ANYWAYS, NOW ABOUT THE MOVIE
( OMG SERIOUS SPOILERS WTF DON'T CLICKCollapse )
Well, it's been a while since I made an actual entry about myself. It's just because theres alot of things I can't be too public about right now, but everything is going very well, dispite all the changes I'm going through.
In fact, I was going through so much, there were even times when I was a bit afraid that when all the changes stopped long enough for me to look at myself, I'd be afraid that I'd see a completely different person. A person I didn't like.
But, I don't think I'll ever change completely. Just a few minutes ago I found myself watching disney movies and drawing princesses, just like I did back in the day. I've been spending my nights and days so differently from when I used to, that my personality feels like its changing. But I think it's partially for the better. I'm feeling more confident in myself, and more open about how I feel about things. I'm also trying to reteach myself how to trust people. Sure, here and there I have a bit of trouble getting myself out, but I can feel an improvement. My body and mind feels very ready for an even bigger change just around the corner, and I'm preparing myself for it with each day I pass through in life. But, no matter how many changes I go through in my life. There'll still be that little part of me that is what I always have been since I was born. I don't know what it is, but it's reasurring me that I'll never change into a different person. 2007 has been quite a learning experence for me. It started out rough but it's coming to a smooth landing. I don't know if I really accomplished anything, but it has changed my outlook on alot of things. I hope that 1 year from now alot more things will change. And I hope alot of other things stay the same. I hope that I meet more people along that road and become even closer to the ones I already do know. I hope that I'll be in another place, my own home by then. And right now I'm slowly saving up more money, and a year is a long, LONG time from now.
Anyways I think thats about all I can say right now. It's pretty late, even for someone like me, and the sun is saying hello. Which means its time for me to sleep untill 20 minutes before work.
I hope this is a semi decent update on my life
P.S What's everyone doing this new years?
P.P.S Can I crash?
Ugh! Am I just no fun to be around?